Gay Weddings are Good for Business

In our groundbreaking 2010-2011 survey, we asked nearly 500 engaged and newlywed same-sex couples how they found the wedding professionals to hire for their wedding.  We gave them options like print ads in wedding magazines, mainstream wedding blogs, mainstream wedding directories (ie TheKnot, WeddingWire), wedding expos, and more.

The top three ways same-sex couples find vendors are: 

1) googled terms like “New York Gay wedding photographer” 

2) word of mouth; and 

3) gay wedding directories.

The use of gay-specific search terms, directories and word of mouth clearly indicates that same-sex couples prefer to work with businesses who reach out to them and come recommended.  The more you can do to proactively reach this market, the more success you will have.

Today I participated in the Wedding Market Chat on Twitter and had some great questions!  You can follow along and check out the transcript here.  I shared some gay wedding data, some information on laws and policies and marketing tips. 

Thanks to Julie Albaugh from Wedding Market News for inviting me to participate!

This past Tuesday I led the Gay Wedding Institute full day workshop in Denver, which was then followed by the launch party for Colorado Gay Weddings and A Vote and a Vow.  

It was so wonderful to be in such a great group of enthusiastic supporters of marriage equality.  Mark Paquette from Events Unwrapped organized the training and Kristy Rowe and Jessica Bergthold from A Vote and a Vow planned a fantastic, well attended party which featured great food and tastings from the area's finest distilleries!

Here are the 21 graduates of the course on Tuesday very enthusiastically participated and will be fantastic advocates for their LGBT clients.  The graduates are planners, officiants, photographers, florists, DJs, venues and even a linen company!  

This site is intended to be a resource for wedding professionals and media who are interested in learning more about same-sex weddings.  That said, since I actually PLAN lots of gay weddings, I don't have as much time to keep this updated as I'd like!  Here are some resources to get you started:

• The Gay Wedding Glossary - the only one in the world, with loads of terminology and information on laws and so forth
• Data - We collect our own gay wedding data, but there's also some from the Williams Institute, Forbes and others
• Our App - it's a free download for iPhones and iPads and is a great tool for wedding planning
• Webinars - I teach quarterly webinars which cover everything you need to know about gay weddings (and more!)

I'm at the airport heading home from an all day training I facilitated today in Toronto for my wedding industry peers.  These 20 professionals came from all over the Ontario area to learn more about the LGBT wedding market so they can better serve their clients.  I gave them A TON of information and in-course activities and I'm so proud of their enthusiasm!  

A special shout out to Holly Carney for recruiting and organizing the participants!  And to Angel St. Pierre from the Ontario Science Center for hosting us!  

Please congratulate these new Gay Wedding Institute Certified professionals!

• Elizabeth Scheniman
• Danielle Rea
• Kathleen Pearsall
• Danielle Deebank
• Jacquie Swadi
• Joanna Efpatridis
• Karim Shivji
• Alanna Pizzoferrato
• Diane Almeida
• Jennifer Prince
• Sandy Stirling
• Christina Spring
• Cassiopeia Burrell
• Sherry VanHornne
• Natalie Faria
• Antonella Cerminara
• Samantha Lavigne
• Holly Carney (again!)
• Denise Georgiou-Newell
• Angel St. Pierre

The next Gay Wedding Institute webinar series is underway but I wanted to give a shout-out to the most recent crop of wedding professionals who completed the GWI webinar course. They worked really hard and did a great job. Special shout out to the Charles Hotel in Harvard Square/Cambridge, MA and also the Ritz-Carlton Battery Park who have had the majority of their catering staff participate. Congratulations to the following graduates:

• Wendy Kidd, New York
• Gina Brown, Massachusetts
• Sarah Chatingny, Massachusetts
• Jennifer Halpin, Massachusetts
• Carolyn Croisier, Massachusetts
• Malia Stevens, New York
• Michele Rose, Illinois
• Laura Dlugatch, New York
• Regina Cialone Aliamo, New York
• Rena LeMessurier-Joubert, Alberta, Canada
• Christian Heydt, Massachusetts
• Ivan Jonathan Tavera, Quintana Roo, Mexico
• Jocelyn McCarthy, New York
• Jackie Ross, Florida

They worked hard, took all the webinars, did all the homework correctly and I'm thrilled to have this group as great advocates for LGBT couples!

Question:  When I first receive communication from a potential client they do not initially specify that they are an LGBT couple. On some occasions it is not even mentioned, until after a relationship is established. During our phone call I normally get a "feeling" because there is something mysterious about our conversation.  Why would a LGBT couple not come out when they first call or email?  Do you have a suggestion on how I can encourage them to be open from the beginning?

Answer:  Great question. I advise LGBT couples to come out right away when calling vendors so they get a sense right away whether they are dealing with someone supportive or not. That said, plenty of couples are too nervous to do so and afraid of rejection. As a wedding planner, your job is not to assume either way and when you do find out that it's a same-sex couple, be super cool and supportive in a genuine, authentic way. If you can create marketing materials that are inclusive, you will automatically set the right kind of open atmosphere they'll feel more comfortable in.  

Additionally, you'll have to start coming out on their behalf when you refer them to vendors.  Don't let the client call directly and don't assume that your typical vendor list is all gay-friendly so you can avoid a potentially homophobic situation entirely. Make sure you verify supportiveness by specifically asking yourself - and only partner your clients with those who are completely on board.  If someone that you refer your client to ends up being unsupportive, then you will look terrible!

We’ve all had booths at wedding expos in the past. And most wedding expos are targeted to straight couples but there are a few things you should keep in mind in the event that LGBT couples pass through these mainstream wedding expos.  They will come!  Slowly at first, but they'll be there!

1. When you see two women together, they may actually be getting married to each other! It’s true that one may be the bride and the other may be the MOH or a bridesmaid, but don’t make any assumptions either way. Don’t ask, “who’s the bride?” or “which one of you is getting married.” Follow the lead of the women – don’t make any assumptions. 

2. Similarly, when you see two men together, don’t ask, “where’s the bride?” 

3. If you have a form that you want couples to fill out for a raffle or for additional information, don’t say “bride’s name” and “groom’s name” – just say “name” or “bride/groom.” 

4. To the best of your ability showcase your work that is most neutral in tone. That means using photos that are detail shots, long shots and shots of a bride alone or a groom alone. The more images you have of a bride and groom together, the more put-off a same-sex couple may feel. 

5. If you do encounter a same-sex couple, avoid terms such as “sexual preference”, “lifestyle”, “homosexual” and avoid stereotyping them. Believe it or not, I was told by a couple that someone at an expo asked them if one of the partners was the “bride” and one was the “groom” in the relationship. 

These tips, when followed properly, should in no way turn off your potential straight clients either. They are designed to fall under the radar where your potential straight clients don’t notice and your potential same-sex clients are much appreciative.

Question:  How should I handle another vendor that refuses to do the wedding when they find out it is a gay couple? How would you tell the couple? 

Answer:   It's important to make sure this situation never happens. 

Before working with a same-sex couple, it's important to establish in advance which vendors you know (and learn about some that you may not know about) that are already comfortable with gay weddings. If you are working with a couple and then asking vendors, never mention a vendor to a couple without first establishing that he or she is a gay-owned or gay-friendly business. Your client should NEVER find out that a vendor you recommended doesn't want to do their wedding. You'll look bad for making the referral in the first place. 

If you do hear from a vendor that doesn't do gay weddings, I would suggest not using them for your straight weddings as well.

Do you  have any burning questions for me?  Ask them here and I'll answer in an upcoming post!

I have a bunch of questions that have come in from wedding professionals and I'll be answering a bunch in the coming weeks.  Here we go:

Question:  What's the best way to find officiants who are qualified and willing to do a gay wedding?

Answer: You have to ask officiants individually. This is part of the process of building your team of vendors (not just officiants) who are gay owned and gay-friendly businesses. There's no getting around it. You just have to ask and make an assessment of how comfortably they answered the question. A good resource for officiants who have a specific understanding of gay weddings is the Celebrant Institute. 

Do you have any burning questions?  Ask them here and I'll answer in an upcoming post!