Gay Weddings are Good for Business

I've been getting all kinds of calls from reporters wondering what I'm up to this week.  Surely I must be busy planning all sorts of weddings for July 25 or 26, right?  

Nope.  

Why?  The couples that are going to be marrying the first week or two or three that it's legal in New York are the couples that are not really having a wedding - or if they are, the wedding will come much later.  The first wave of couples are the couples who have been together for decades and just want to make it legal.  There will be thousands of couples who travel over from other states to have a small ceremony.  Maybe they will have a small dinner party with friends and family, or maybe they'll have a catered party in their backyard.  They might have cake and photography and they will all need officiants - but those first 120 days are, by and large, not the couples who hire wedding planners or plan bigger weddings.

The couples that are going to plan bigger weddings are going to start hiring all of us this fall when they get back from their summer vacations, are properly engaged and have settled into the idea of a wedding and thought about what they want.  They are mostly going to be planning for 2012 and beyond because the wedding of their dreams should not be rushed and planning takes time.  The New York economy is going to see its largest gay wedding related growth in 2012 and 2013, NOT in 2011.

The big weddings will come - and they will come and come - but in the first 120 days, the little ones will be just as important and just as meaningful and just as legal - and still very good for business.

Since gay marriage became legal in Massachusetts seven years ago, I've been watching what happens in other states as it becomes legal there.  Here's what you should expect when gay marriage first becomes legal:

Same-sex marriage was just legalized in New York state by a narrow margin.  This makes New York the largest state in the U.S. with legal gay marriage (and the sixth state, plus D.C.).  There are approximately 42,600 same-sex couples in the state (though 20% are already legally married).

When gay marriage goes into effect in about a month, gay weddings are expected to boost the NY economy by $210 million in the next three years.  This is amazing news for the wedding industry!

Is your wedding business ready?

• Well, to start, make sure you don't accidentally turn off prospective couples by being heterosexist.  Take down references to "bride and groom" from your website and marketing materials and substitute "couples" or "brides and grooms", for example.
• Make sure your contracts don't say "bride and groom".
• Think about the difference between a straight and gay wedding!
• Understand the federal laws about gay marriage and how your clients can be affected
• Understand what to call a gay wedding

Gay tourism is big business as Massachusetts and Philadelphia have found out.  Check out this list of the most popular U.S. destinations for gay tourists.  Isn't it interesting that from this list, only two cities have legal gay marriage (D.C. and Boston)?  If your city is on this list, you can expect an even bigger boom from gay weddings!

1. New York 
2. San Francisco 
3. Las Vegas 
4. Chicago 
5. Los Angeles / West Hollywood 
6. Washington, D.C. 
7. Fort Lauderdale 
8. Palm Springs, CA
9. Orlando 
10. San Diego
11. Boston
12. Miami
13. Philadelphia
14. New Orleans
15. Seattle

 Source: Community Marketing Inc.

Today, Governor Quinn of Illinois, signed a law legalizing civil unions.  This law will go into effect on June 1.

How will this change your business?

First of all, you need to decide whether or not you want to actively seek the civil union market.  This is a business decision, a marketing decision.  There are some people who believe that they will possibly lose business from more conservative straight clients if they proactively advertise or market their support of same-sex civil unions.  As a business owner, you need to decide whether or not you want to take that "risk."  If you would rather be passive, I respect that decision but if you want to be proactive, keep reading...

If you do want to proactively reach the civil union market, you  must first go through your website, marketing materials, contracts and forms and neutralize all language that implies there's one bride and one groom with bridesmaids and groomsmen.  You can do the same with photos.  You can also use the term "civil union" on your website, and say something along the lines of "Special Weddings can help with your wedding, civil union or party."

Then, you'll need to do some advertising and my top gay wedding directory suggestions are GayWeddings.com and SoYoureEnGAYged.com.

Then, you should do some heavy reading - and dig through old blog posts on this site www.GayWeddingInstitute.com and consider buying my book for couples!  My book just for you, vendors, will be out in the summer!

Are you hoping to work with any couples in Illinois planning civil unions?

Last week my company helped four same-sex couples from other states (Nevada, California, Pennsylvania and Texas) legally marry in Massachusetts.  This week, we're working with brides from Mississippi.  This "elopement" service is offered by my company just to make it legal.  Last year we worked with 53 couples from 27 states.  This service brings a lot of money into my company - and into the state of Massachusetts. My clients (eight individuals) and their guests last week collectively spent over $15,000.  It adds up fast.

At least half of these couples plan a party or a celebration - and/or a marriage reenactment - when they get back home.  

If you don't work in a state where gay marriage is legal, you may still get business from these couples.  If you answer your phone and speak to a man who is inquiring about a wedding celebration, are you going to ask him the name of his bride?  Be careful.  It's just that type of assumption that can cost you business.  

Gay and lesbian couples from all over the U.S. are traveling to legally marry and then planning a party back home, a party which requires vendors from the wedding and hospitality industry.  You may need to be ready sooner than you think.

In your business, have you worked with couples who first legally married in another state?

Thanks to Mark Kingsdorf from Queen of Hearts Wedding Consultants and Michelle Martinez from Allure Consulting for this question:  

What's the difference between same-sex marriage and a gay wedding? Is one more correct than the other?  In marketing materials, what phrase should I use - those or commitment ceremonies, civil unions or something else?

A marriage is just that, a civil institution with certain protections and benefits.  The marriage can happen at City Hall.  But we're in the business of weddings.  When I'm speaking about public policy and laws, I use the term same-sex marriage or gay marriage.  When I speak about the celebrations, I call them weddings.

For your marketing materials, if you want to indicate that you are excited to support and work with same-sex couples, you should first think about the demographics and reality of your service area.  For example:

• If you are based in New Jersey or work with couples from there, civil unions (which are legal in New Jersey) is an appropriate phrase.
• If you are based in a state where gay marriage is legal (Vermont, DC, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Iowa, Connecticut), using the phrases LGBT weddings, gay weddings or same-sex weddings is appropriate.
• If you are based in a state where none of the above applies, commitment ceremonies would be the most accurate term.  Commitment ceremonies are a non-legal celebration of a relationship.

How are you planning to market your business to engaged gay and lesbian couples?

As the news became official that the District of Columbia was going to legalize gay marriage, a startup company called GLBT Wedding Services created an event designed to set the Guinness world record of the most number of couples married at the same time.  The previous record was 168 straight couples and the company was aiming for 400 same-sex couples.  It's a very sweet idea and if it worked, would have been pretty cool to see.

Unfortunately, only 10 couples participated.

There's a lesson in this that should be noted as gay marriage becomes legal in other places.   Mike Crawford says it best in this Washington Post article:  "We have been waiting a long time for gay couples to be able to marry, so people are focused on creating events that are going to be really special," says Mike Crawford, co-chairman of DC for Marriage. "And it's hard to be special when you're getting married with hundreds of couples you don't know."

The bottom line is this - gay marriage is rare, sacred and historic.  There aren't very many places where it's legal and only roughly 10% of the population is LGBT.  Gay couples aren't to be tokenized as gay marriage becomes legal.  Marriage is an important institution.  It means something special.  

And you have to be authentic to reach this market.  

How do you feel about large group marriages - even if you're straight?  Is that something you would ever do?

The State of Massachusetts, the City of Philadelphia and the City of West Hollywood are spending their advertising dollars marketing to gays and lesbians.