Gay Weddings are Good for Business

This site is intended to be a resource for wedding professionals and media who are interested in learning more about same-sex weddings.  That said, since I actually PLAN lots of gay weddings, I don't have as much time to keep this updated as I'd like!  Here are some resources to get you started:

• The Gay Wedding Glossary - the only one in the world, with loads of terminology and information on laws and so forth
• Data - We collect our own gay wedding data, but there's also some from the Williams Institute, Forbes and others
• Our App - it's a free download for iPhones and iPads and is a great tool for wedding planning
• Webinars - I teach quarterly webinars which cover everything you need to know about gay weddings (and more!)

It's pretty standard for legal gay weddings to have this very strong energy of triumph to them, a spirit of "FINALLY!  We can get legally married!"  As a result, many couples seek to bring a little bit of politics into their ceremony, and sometimes even their reception.

Two of the most popular readings at gay marriage ceremonies come from court rulings - the Goodridge ruling and the Walker ruling - check them out!  

I've even had clients bring politics into their reception - naming tables after famous LGBT people in history, hosting the reception somewhere that has given a lot to marriage equality efforts - and I even had a couple name their signature cocktail the Revolution - in honor of the marriage equality revolution.  

I hope these ideas help you help your clients put a little more edginess into their wedding!

Question:  What are the major differences, if any, for vendors working on a gay wedding as opposed to a straight wedding? 

Answer: There are not many differences on the wedding day itself. You may notice two aisles or the couple walking into the ceremony together or some traditions being excluded or some fun additions to the celebration or some guests who really don't want to be there - but the wedding day itself is very similar. 

The planning process is where most of the differences are especially if you have clients who want something nontraditional, if one or both partners is transgender or if you live in a place where same-sex marriage is not widely accepted.

Do you  have any burning questions for me?  Ask them here and I'll answer in an upcoming post!

I believe that gay weddings change the world.  Really?  Yes, really.  In fact, I don't just believe it.  I know it.  

If you think about it, it was only 1967 that interracial marriage was legalized (Loving v Virginia).  The U.S. Supreme Court evoked the 14th Amendment in that ruling (one of the inspiration for 14 Stories, by the way).  That was a revolutionary ruling, a decision that changed lives forever.  

And gay marriage is this generation's civil rights movement.  The first gay marriages in the U.S. started in Massachusetts in 2004.  Since then, there have been about 50,000 legal marriages in the U.S.  50,000 marriages in an industry that produces 2.3 million straight weddings each year.  That makes gay marriages/gay weddings downright rare.  It makes them historic. That's right: gay weddings make history.

But how do they change the world?

Well, most guests at gay weddings are straight.  And most guests have never been to a gay wedding before.  That creates an extraordinary opportunity to open some eyes and create change.  And that change happens during the marriage ceremony, when that couple's story is told, when they make promises to one another and when they are declared legally married.  Not just partners for life or some other euphemism, but legally married.    

And then those straight guests go home, they tell their friends, neighbors and co-workers, "I went to the greatest wedding last weekend..." and they talk about the gay wedding with this sense of purpose and mission and passion.  And then they answer some questions, tell some more stories, maybe change call their politician or change the way they vote...

Those are the stories that change the world.  And that is why I do what I do and why I train others to be advocates for their clients.  Gay marriage is illegal in most places in the world, so all those stories from all those legal weddings make all the difference.  Just ask Frank Bruni, whose fantastic column tells some of those stories..

(photo by Zoom Photography)

I was planning to wait til the fall to launch new dates for the Gay Wedding Institute Certificate course, but in light of my phone and email blowing up with calls from New York wedding vendors looking to enter the gay wedding market, I thought it best to set up some dates for July, before the gay marriage law goes into effect in New York.

So, announcing new dates:  July 12, July 14 and July 19, at 3pm EST.  And of course, non New Yorkers are welcome also!

Registration is open and you can register here!

Yesterday I was interviewed on the National Public Radio Station, WNYC, on the show "Soundcheck" to talk about music at gay weddings.  Last week they had a show about music at weddings and a listener wrote to complain that same-sex weddings were left out of the discussion.  They called me up and I filled them in about music at gay weddings.

You can listen to the entire clip here.

The bottom line is that there is a difference in what many same-sex couples request, as compared to opposite-sex couples.  The first example that comes to mind is that many same-sex couples request pop music during their ceremony processional and recessional, as opposed to the traditional classical pieces.  I give some examples during the show.

Enjoy!

Thanks to Desiree from Good Gracious Events in L.A. for this question:  What are some cake topper options for same-sex couples?

If you have a question for me, please go ahead and send it along to me and I'll answer it in an upcoming post!

In my seven years of planning same-sex weddings, and in working with over 200 couples, I've had fewer than 15 use any cake toppers at all.  Gay wedding cake toppers used to be pretty hard to find but there are now a bunch of online resources, including of course, Etsy where custom pieces are easily made by crafters like The Enchanted Cupboard.  I've had several clients have custom toppers made in the shapes of animals.

GayRites.net has custom cake toppers for sale if the couple is looking for their likenesses on the cake.

GayWeddings.com is another resource for same-sex cake toppers, particularly if couples are in a rush and don't have time to have something custom made with your likeness.

Have your clients used same-sex cake toppers?

I'm an AmeriCorps alum and our slogan is "putting idealism to work."  I think being a producer of gay weddings and an educator about gay weddings is a pretty idealistic career. 

I love meeting wedding vendors who say to me, "I'm so supportive of gay marriage. There's no difference between a straight wedding and a gay wedding.  Love is love is love!"

It's very sweet.  And it's very idealistic.  And then I hear stories like the one I heard from Lacy Branch in St. Louis where she got a call from a same-sex couple and she was the only planner in her area who would talk to them.  And the story from Kelly Karli in Vail who received a call from a guy almost embarrassed to tell her that he wants to go in drag on his wedding day. And these stories are part of the reasons gay weddings are different.

Of course when I was 27 and my company was brand new, I was ultra-idealistic and while I still have a good solid sense of that idealism, the reality of spending six years working with couples seeking acceptance and equality changes that.  I'd love to put myself out of business someday.  But until then, it's important to remind yourself that gay weddings are different.

Just ask any same-sex couple living in one of the 45 states where their relationship is not recognized.

If you're a wedding vendor who believes that "love is love is love" and you still have photos of straight couples plastered all over your site with the phrase "bride and groom" everywhere, then please start walking the talk.

I get this question all the time, "What's the difference between a straight and a gay wedding?"  The last person to ask was sweetheart Colin Cowie, whom I met last week at Engage!

I'd be out of business if I couldn't answer it.  It's the reason there's demand for a gay wedding producer.  Here's a short list of differences:

• 50% of the country is opposed to gay marriage and many in the wedding industry do not support it either - couples face discrimination.
• And it's perfectly legal to discriminate against LGBT couples in 28 U.S. states (i.e. a vendor can say, "I don't want to work with you.")
• Who do you think fills the role of the "bride" during a wedding processional, when there are two brides or two grooms?  We typically avoid anyone assuming this role by having the couple process together, hand-in-hand, or down two aisles simultaneously...
• What do lesbian brides wear?
• What do you call an engaged lesbian who doesn't feel like a "bride?"

Just a little food for thought...the list goes on.  How do you answer this question?

Six years ago today, the first gay marriages in the United States took place in cities and towns around the state of Massachusetts.  Six months earlier, gay marriage was legalized by a ruling of the Supreme Judicial Court, in a case argued by GLAD.  As of May 17, 2004, my company's doors had been open for three months.  Our first real wedding was May 22, 2004.

• Six years and well over $120 million pumped into the Massachusetts economy because of same-sex weddings.
• Six years and over 13,000 married same-sex couples
• Six years and the fourth lowest divorce rate in the country (straight or gay)