14 Stories

In the following map, you can see the states where gay marriage is legal, or soon will be (it goes into effect in Rhode Island and Minnesota on August 1).  Those are the purple states.  The pink states have something else, either civil unions or statewide domestic partner benefits.  The states that are white offer no protections or benefits to same-sex couples.

 

This next map shows you where in the world it's legal for a same-sex marriage (the blue countries). 

Finally, this last map shows you where in the U.S. same-sex couples can be legally discriminated against...these white states are places you can be fired for being LGBT or denied services (including wedding services) for being LGBT.

 

Today, the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) issued a ruling overturning the federal portion of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), a discriminatory federal law which prevents same-sex marriage from being recognized by both the federal government and individual states where it’s not legal. They also declined to rule on a case challenging Proposition 8, the discriminatory ballot initiative which banned same-sex marriage in California after 18,000 couples legally married. What does this mean?

There was a contest in Chicago recently giving away a free wedding to a deserving couple.  A same-sex couple participated and won.  This quote in the video below from that couple really moved me - even though I hear this type of quote all the time:  "We are the only same-sex couple a lot of our friends and family know so if they were to see us in a wedding scenario, it would just prove to them that our love is just like everyone else's."

That's what same-sex couples are looking for...keep in mind that most of the guests at their wedding will be straight...I urge you to urge them (the couple) to make the ceremony as impactful as possible so that those guests have tears in their eyes, love in their hearts and support of marriage equality on their minds.

One of the ways that can happen is if your clients hire a Celebrant to officiate their marriage ceremony, or someone else who can write a very powerful and meaningful ceremony script...

This site is intended to be a resource for wedding professionals and media who are interested in learning more about same-sex weddings.  That said, since I actually PLAN lots of gay weddings, I don't have as much time to keep this updated as I'd like!  Here are some resources to get you started:

• The Gay Wedding Glossary - the only one in the world, with loads of terminology and information on laws and so forth
• Data - We collect our own gay wedding data, but there's also some from the Williams Institute, Forbes and others
• Our App - it's a free download for iPhones and iPads and is a great tool for wedding planning
• Webinars - I teach quarterly webinars which cover everything you need to know about gay weddings (and more!)

Question:  How can vendors expect the wedding market to change and be prepared for it as more states legalize gay marriage? What is the wedding market like in areas where gay marriage isn't legal? Should vendors be marketing to gay couples even if they live in areas where gay marriage isn't legal or there isn't a high population of gay people? 

Answer:  First of all, vendors should be aware that it's going to change and that they need to be prepared and get ready now! They don't want to be behind when the tide turns in their state. It's much better to be pre-emptive than to have to play catchup!  Our certification course is a great primer to prepare your business for gay weddings. 

Same-sex couples who live in states where same-sex marriage is not legal frequently travel to states where it is (like Massachusetts and New York) and have a legal ceremony, then have a big party back home. Those big parties can sometimes have big budgets and be very much like a wedding, so there is absolutely no harm in marketing now.

Do you  have any burning questions for me?  Ask them here and I'll answer in an upcoming post!

I've been planning same-sex weddings since 2004 but I don't have very many photos of those earlier weddings.  Why?   Many of my clients back then wouldn't allow me to use their photos because of privacy concerns.  They were not entirely out of the closet and were afraid of being fired or discriminated against.  Yes, even in a state where it was legal to have a same-sex marriage.

That doesn't happen as much anymore but my biggest client of the year struck the image release clause from my contract.  Such a bummer because they are gorgeous guys and it will be a stunning wedding!

I say all this because of a great post over at A Practical Wedding from a photographer who can't show you her client's engagement shoot.  You have to read that post!

How do you respond when a client expresses fear of being fired or outed if you include their wedding photos on your blog or in your portfolio? You have to go along with it.  It's their right to privacy.  Listen.  Sympathize.  And respect their right - so don't use those images...

Have you ever had a same-sex client say this to you?

Henry Velandia legally married his partner Josh Vandiver in Connecticut.  Josh is a U.S. citizen but Henry is from Venezuela.  And now Henry is facing deportation by the U.S. government.

If Henry was a woman who married Josh, then a green card would be in order.

But Henry's a guy and the U.S. government has DOMA, a law prohibiting recognition of same-sex marriage, so off he will go back to Venezuela.  

Could you imagine if Henry and Josh were your clients?  If they were, you should advise them not to marry.  It is actually dangerous for them to marry because of DOMA.

Off my 200+ gay weddings, I personally have never had a client in this situation - have you?  What did you do?

Proposition 8 was the ballot initiative in California in which voters voted to ban same-sex marriage, 5.5 months after it first began in the state in 2008.  18,000 same-sex couples were married in those 5.5 months.  There's been a highly publicized challenge to this voter referendum and that challenge was ruled on today, overturning the vote.

What does the California's judge's ruling against Proposition 8 mean for your wedding business?

Right now, it doesn't mean anything.  To be honest, while this is a big victory, this ruling will be appealed and the case is very likely to end up at the U.S. Supreme Court.  A year or two before there's any final decision and even then, marriage equality victory is not guaranteed. This CNN article explains the next steps for Proposition 8.

I'm just being realistic.  In the meantime, there are lots of things you can do to prepare your business:

• start volunteering for Equality California or whichever marriage equality organization exists in your state
• neutralize the language on your website, marketing materials and contract materials
• identify images and graphics which are less obviously bride-and-groom for your marketing materials
• familiarize yourself with some gay wedding traditions
• attend one of my upcoming workshops

Today, a district court judge ruled that part 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) is unconstitutional.  You can learn more more about the Defense of Marriage Act by following that link, but essentially, it means that my gay marriage in Massachusetts is meaningless most everywhere else including at the federal level and in most states.  Currently this ruling only affects Massachusetts residents.

The law explicitly includes a piece that U.S. states that don't allow gay marriage don't have to recognize gay marriages performed in U.S. states that do.

If this ruling stands, it is significant for a number of reasons and may impact your wedding business:

• Similar lawsuits will follow, opening the door to federal recognition by couples who live in Connecticut, Vermont, and the other places gay marriage is legal.
• You'll see more large receptions in your state hosted by couples who marry where it's legal and return home - the number of couples traveling to legally marry will jump dramatically because it will actually mean something (benefits) on the federal level!
• This should open the door for more states to legalize gay marriage as they see money lost to states where it is.
• Other parts of DOMA that impact the 45 states where gay marriage is illegal are also being challenged.  These states may be forced to recognize gay marriages performed in states where it is.  This means more weddings!
• This ruling will mean more wedding sales for all of us - an annual increase of $9.5 billion when gay marriage is legalized nationally (according to Forbes)