Gay Weddings are Good for Business

Last week when I spoke at Engage!, I started by saying, "Did you know that it's harder to get a gay divorce than a gay marriage?"

Did you?

I have former clients who live in California and married here in Massachusetts last year.  They contacted me recently asking about divorcing.  I'm definitely not in the business of divorce, but what I told them is that, in order to divorce, one of them would need to move to Massachusetts and establish residency here.  After residency was established, they could then file for divorce in Massachusetts.

So if they live in California, why can't they divorce in California?  Straight couples don't need to move to divorce.

California doesn't recognize their legal Massachusetts marriage as a marriage.  As far as that state is concerned, that couple are merely domestic partners.  And California has the right to make that call - the federal government says so.

There have been gay divorce court cases in both Texas and Pennsylvania where couples have sought to divorce without establishing residency in the state where they were married.  In all instances of legal battles for gay divorce, the couple has been denied that right.  Why?

Because if a state says it's OK to have a gay divorce, then they are, in a backwards way, saying it's OK to have a gay marriage! And they are simply not ready to say that.

Gay marriage is messy political and legal business - but gay weddings are fabulous!  It's worth it and one of these days, this stuff won't matter anymore.  I can't wait.

This Sunday I'm flying down to West Palm Beach, Florida, to speak at Engage! The Breakers.  My session, called "The Emerging Gay and Lesbian Wedding Market" will be co-facilitated with Kate Parker.  

A year ago, Kate and I collaborated to ensure that her new venture, www.MyKateParkerWedding.com was completely gender-neutral and non-heterosexist. We'll be talking about that process as well as the differences between straight and gay weddings.

I attended Engage! Cayman earlier this year and blogged about my experience.  I met such fantastic people and really enjoyed hearing stories from vendors around the country about their experiences (or lack thereof) with same-sex weddings.  This time, I get to take things to the next level and do some real education - and I can't wait!  I hope to see you there.

Please contact me if you'd like me to lead a workshop on same-sex weddings in your area.

Last week, in between weddings, I dashed down to the Cayman Islands for the luxury wedding industry summit, Engage! There are some brilliant recaps on other blogs like BridalBar, Jasmine Star, Album Boutique, Elizabeth Anne Designs, to name a few.  I don't need to talk about the impeccable details or post photos since others have done it so well, but I did want to share my own experience as the only attendee specifically in the business of gay weddings.

Now, make no mistake, there were plenty of other attendees in the wedding business who happened to be gay - just no one else in the "gay wedding business."  As such, I felt honored to be singled out as an Innovator by Rebecca Grinnals during her opening remarks. 

One of the first things that stands out to me is that this was the first wedding industry event I've ever attended where I wasn't bombarded by those passing me business cards seeking referrals in order to access my lucrative niche.  How refreshing to be in a crowd above such gaucheness.  I was among people from whom I could learn, and whom could learn from me with an open dialogue, candor and not an ounce of competitiveness. I've never been at an event with such a spirit of collaboration and vision (and I used to work for nonprofits) - and an understanding of the way the wedding industry is evolving.  

I am in the business of identifying unmet needs for my clients and trying to solve the problem of heterosexism within the wedding industry.  Last week, I met Millie Bratten, Editor of Brides magazine, whose current issue features a Real lesbian wedding.  I talked to Randy Fenoli and his agent Jennifer about the lack of wardrobe options for lesbian brides. I spoke with Carley Roney from the Knot about improving Gay.Weddings.com.  I spoke with Colin Cowie about creating a product that is inclusive for all engaged couples.  It's nice to be able to freely speak with those who have the power to create positive change.

Everyone I met has their heart in the right place and wants to be more proactive - not just because it's good for business (and it is) but because it's also good for society.  40 years ago on June 12 was the day it became illegal to ban interracial marriage.  Only 40 years ago.  When will we look back on the day in which it became illegal to ban gay marriage?  

It's not far away and I'm thrilled that such wedding industry visionaries are beginning to understand the impact that the (forthcoming...and it is forthcoming) legalization of gay marriage will have on the industry as a whole.  Big thanks to Rebecca and Kathryn Arce for creating the space for this dialogue.  These are the stories which change the world. What's your story?

(Those last two lines are my company's slogan, by the way)