Gay Weddings are Good for Business

Research, data, advice and tips on the business of same-sex weddings from Bernadette Coveney Smith, the nation's leading gay wedding expert. In 2004, Bernadette opened 14 Stories, the first company in the U.S. to specialize in planning legal same-sex weddings.

Updating Your Contracts and Forms to be Gender-Neutral

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, September 27, 2010
I get this question so often I can't believe I haven't blogged on the subject yet! I heard from a wedding photographer today who accidentally insulted her same-sex couple by sending them a form to fill out that had fields such as "Bride's Name", "Groom's Name" and used the terms "bridesmaids" and "groomsmen."  

Fortunately, I know this photographer personally and she's very nice and non-homophobic, simply heterosexist.  She did not lose the client, but was embarrassed to find herself in this situation and came to me for advice.

So, what would you use instead of "bride's name" and "groom's name" on contracts and forms?  
  • Party A, Party B
  • Client Name, Client Name
  • Client A, Client B
  • Partner A, Partner B
  • Bride/Groom, Bride/Groom
  • Client Name, Client Name
  • Name, Name
Obviously none of these options are sexy but they are safe and non-offensive.  Your straight clients won't notice or care.  

What terms did you use?


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Comments
K. Crafton commented on 27-Sep-2010 04:08 PM
THANK YOU for posting that! I've used the same form for years (which came from another photographer friend) and need to go back and change it to non-offensive terms.
Laura commented on 28-Sep-2010 02:47 PM
I use an online studio management service called ShootQ, it automatically generates contracts so I have one for hetero couples, one for women, and one for men. I felt like finding "groom & groom" or "bride & bride" on the contract might feel more personal.
Cathy O'Connell commented on 28-Sep-2010 02:57 PM
As a wedding planner doing a lot of work in CA where we pray gay weddings will soon be reinstated I use Party A and Party B as that's what is now on the marriage license application. They changed it 2 years ago and never changed it back! Straight couples don't care at all.
Bernadette Coveney commented on 30-Sep-2010 10:40 AM
Laura,
That's good to know about ShootQ - I was told by other photographers that it could only be set for one bride and one groom.

I do agree that bride and groom are more personal than Party A and Party B (definitely) though some lesbian brides would prefer not to be called brides at all (see my post called The Lesbian Bridegroom). I don't mean to complicate things further or get PC, but the safest strategy all around is one of the options suggested above.
Bethel - Ceremonies by Bethel commented on 24-Mar-2011 03:41 PM
Thank you so much for talking about this and being clear about it! None of us want to feel uncomfortable about it, or unintentionally insult our great couples. And that was a great way of putting it - I expect that most of us are just heterosexist, and
aren't sure the best way to put it. I made a point to have all separate forms for my same sex couples, and I use "Partner 1 and Partner 2." I'm in CA, where we're still forced to wait and wait some more before we can get back to marrying everyone the way we
want. So, I have hesitated to use Bride/Groom, as it's not currently a legal undertaking here. Plus, like you mentioned, not everyone wants to see themselves as a bride or groom, so I felt that partner was more comfortable to everyone... Thanks for all of
the wonderful education and open conversation!
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