Gay Weddings are Good for Business

Gay Wedding Glossary

Judge Margaret Marshall:  Former Chief Justice from the Massachusetts State Supreme Judicial Court who wrote the Goodridge ruling now famous for legalizing gay marriage in Massachusetts.  Excerpts from that ruling are frequently used as readings during gay marriage ceremonies.  

Gay Wedding Glossary

Open and Affirming:  A phrase which can be used to indicate gay-friendliness or inclusiveness.  Same-sex couples will know what this means.  This phrase is most often used by places of worship to indicate they welcome LGBT members, but can also be used in the marketing materials by other vendors who choose to overtly market to the LGBT community.  Example, "Magnificent Occasions is an open and affirming wedding planning company."

Gay Wedding Glossary

Goodridge Decision:  The case which first legalized same-sex marriage in Massachusetts, the first state where gay marriage became legal.  Excerpts from the ruling, written by Judge Margaret Marshall are frequently read as readings during gay marriage ceremonies.

Gay Wedding Glossary

FTM: A transgender person who was born female but lives as a male.  You should use male pronouns with this person and never ask about his former name or former life as a woman.  This client will want to wear male clothing at his wedding.  This client may be marrying a man or a woman.  

Gay Wedding Glossary

Transvestite: Old, and now derogatory term for people who cross-dress.  You should not use this term.

Gay Wedding Glossary

Foundation Covenant:  This is a sacred text modeled off of the Jewish ketubah and the Quaker wedding certificate.  This document is typically signed by the couple during their wedding ceremony and is then signed by guests during the reception.  It can be a substitute for a guest book and is one way the guests validate and affirm the marriage.  The Foundation Covenant is typically framed as artwork after the wedding.

Foundation Covenants have become a gay wedding tradition.  They are often custom made but are also produced by artist Daniel Sroka of ModernKetubah.com.

Gay Wedding Glossary

Family Law:  Same-sex couples must complete additional legal paperwork in order to protect their family in case of emergency.  Because of DOMA, married same-sex couples are not entitled to the same rights as married opposite-sex couples when they leave the state in which they were legally married.  This means, for example, that the non-birth parent in a same-sex family has no rights when the couple travels to a state where same-sex marriage is not recognized, unless the non-birth parent has gone to court to legally adopt the child through second parent adoption.  Second parent adoption, health care proxies, wills and durable power of attorney are all essentially mandatory (and expensive) for same-sex couples, especially those with children.

This is relevant to wedding planning because as part of a comprehensive action plan, it is important that wedding planners and venues, in particular, identify resources in their own community that can provide these legal services to protect your same-sex client's family.

Gay Wedding Glossary

Homophobia: Encompasses a range of hateful, negative and fearful attitudes and actions towards LGBT people.  Homophobia is different than heterosexism in that homophobia involves intentional action and is not accidental.

Derivatives include transphobia and biphobia.

Gay Wedding Glossary

Name Changes:  Many same-sex couples do not change their name after marriage, especially if they have been a couple for a long time.

It is harder for same-sex couples to change their name after marriage than it is for their heterosexual counterparts.  Certified marriage certificates from states in which same-sex marriage is legal do not generally work as a document for name change if the couple lives in a state where same-sex is not legal.  

Those same-sex couples that do change their name often hyphenate but sometimes choose a new name entirely.

Gay Wedding Glossary

Validation & Affirmation:  The part of the same-sex wedding ceremony where the officiant asks the guests to join in a community vow or toast of the couple using the champagne provided to the guests before the ceremony.  This is typically at the beginning of the ceremony, after the welcoming remarks, and makes use of the pre-ceremony champagne.

The term validation and affirmation came from the frequent comment by same-sex couples that seeing all of their guests supporting them felt very validating and affirming.