Gay Weddings are Good for Business

This site is intended to be a resource for wedding professionals and media who are interested in learning more about same-sex weddings.  That said, since I actually PLAN lots of gay weddings, I don't have as much time to keep this updated as I'd like!  Here are some resources to get you started:

• The Gay Wedding Glossary - the only one in the world, with loads of terminology and information on laws and so forth
• Data - We collect our own gay wedding data, but there's also some from the Williams Institute, Forbes and others
• Our App - it's a free download for iPhones and iPads and is a great tool for wedding planning
• Webinars - I teach quarterly webinars which cover everything you need to know about gay weddings (and more!)

I'm at the airport heading home from an all day training I facilitated today in Toronto for my wedding industry peers.  These 20 professionals came from all over the Ontario area to learn more about the LGBT wedding market so they can better serve their clients.  I gave them A TON of information and in-course activities and I'm so proud of their enthusiasm!  

A special shout out to Holly Carney for recruiting and organizing the participants!  And to Angel St. Pierre from the Ontario Science Center for hosting us!  

Please congratulate these new Gay Wedding Institute Certified professionals!

• Elizabeth Scheniman
• Danielle Rea
• Kathleen Pearsall
• Danielle Deebank
• Jacquie Swadi
• Joanna Efpatridis
• Karim Shivji
• Alanna Pizzoferrato
• Diane Almeida
• Jennifer Prince
• Sandy Stirling
• Christina Spring
• Cassiopeia Burrell
• Sherry VanHornne
• Natalie Faria
• Antonella Cerminara
• Samantha Lavigne
• Holly Carney (again!)
• Denise Georgiou-Newell
• Angel St. Pierre

The next Gay Wedding Institute webinar series is underway but I wanted to give a shout-out to the most recent crop of wedding professionals who completed the GWI webinar course. They worked really hard and did a great job. Special shout out to the Charles Hotel in Harvard Square/Cambridge, MA and also the Ritz-Carlton Battery Park who have had the majority of their catering staff participate. Congratulations to the following graduates:

• Wendy Kidd, New York
• Gina Brown, Massachusetts
• Sarah Chatingny, Massachusetts
• Jennifer Halpin, Massachusetts
• Carolyn Croisier, Massachusetts
• Malia Stevens, New York
• Michele Rose, Illinois
• Laura Dlugatch, New York
• Regina Cialone Aliamo, New York
• Rena LeMessurier-Joubert, Alberta, Canada
• Christian Heydt, Massachusetts
• Ivan Jonathan Tavera, Quintana Roo, Mexico
• Jocelyn McCarthy, New York
• Jackie Ross, Florida

They worked hard, took all the webinars, did all the homework correctly and I'm thrilled to have this group as great advocates for LGBT couples!

I'm speaking with a fantastic group of my peers on March 30 at the Epic Summit in Northern New Jersey.  I'll be speaking on the topic of the emerging LGBT wedding market.

Other expert speakers include Katy Carrier, Sonny Ganguly and Alan Berg, among others.

I can offer an exclusive rate of 50% off admission to the first two people who comment on this post by March 5.  Leave a comment and if you're one of the first two, I'll email you the discount code!

Washington State became the seventh U.S. state (plus D.C.) to legalize gay marriage on Monday when Governor Gregoire signed the marriage equality bill into law.  This is very exciting and you should definitely get your business ready. Opponents of marriage equality still may try to stop it from going into effect on June 7 - so the matter is not yet settled - but this is a huge step forward.  Go forth and prosper!

It's pretty standard for legal gay weddings to have this very strong energy of triumph to them, a spirit of "FINALLY!  We can get legally married!"  As a result, many couples seek to bring a little bit of politics into their ceremony, and sometimes even their reception.

Two of the most popular readings at gay marriage ceremonies come from court rulings - the Goodridge ruling and the Walker ruling - check them out!  

I've even had clients bring politics into their reception - naming tables after famous LGBT people in history, hosting the reception somewhere that has given a lot to marriage equality efforts - and I even had a couple name their signature cocktail the Revolution - in honor of the marriage equality revolution.  

I hope these ideas help you help your clients put a little more edginess into their wedding!

Those who follow me on Twitter know that my wife Jen and I just completed the second parent adoption process for our son, Patrick.  He was born on Oct. 31, 2010.

Let me explain a little bit about what this means.

Jen and I were legally married in Massachusetts.  Our marriage is only valid in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire, New York, Iowa and D.C. (the other states where same-sex marriage is legal), and a couple of other random states.  According to the U.S. federal government and all those other states, we are not legally married.  According to most countries in the world, we are not legally married.

Patrick was born in Boston and Jen carried and delivered the baby.  She was the "bio-parent" though I was right there when he was born and my name is on his birth certificate.  However, because our marriage is not recognized most places in the world, neither are my rights to be his parent.  That's why we had to go through this process called "second parent adoption" - in which I basically adopt my own son.  This process took 10 months waiting for a court date and $2000 in legal fees before we saw a judge for 2 minutes.  Now it's over and we're happy!

If a same-sex couple doesn't do second parent adoption this can get really ugly in the following scenarios (among others):

• If there's a divorce or break-up, the non-bio parent may have no rights no visitation or custody
• If the bio-parent died, the non-bio parent may have no rights to his or her child (who would probably be placed with the bio-parent's parents)
• If the bio-parent and the baby are in an accident, the non-bio parent may have no access to them in the hospital

Question:  When I first receive communication from a potential client they do not initially specify that they are an LGBT couple. On some occasions it is not even mentioned, until after a relationship is established. During our phone call I normally get a "feeling" because there is something mysterious about our conversation.  Why would a LGBT couple not come out when they first call or email?  Do you have a suggestion on how I can encourage them to be open from the beginning?

Answer:  Great question. I advise LGBT couples to come out right away when calling vendors so they get a sense right away whether they are dealing with someone supportive or not. That said, plenty of couples are too nervous to do so and afraid of rejection. As a wedding planner, your job is not to assume either way and when you do find out that it's a same-sex couple, be super cool and supportive in a genuine, authentic way. If you can create marketing materials that are inclusive, you will automatically set the right kind of open atmosphere they'll feel more comfortable in.  

Additionally, you'll have to start coming out on their behalf when you refer them to vendors.  Don't let the client call directly and don't assume that your typical vendor list is all gay-friendly so you can avoid a potentially homophobic situation entirely. Make sure you verify supportiveness by specifically asking yourself - and only partner your clients with those who are completely on board.  If someone that you refer your client to ends up being unsupportive, then you will look terrible!

We’ve all had booths at wedding expos in the past. And most wedding expos are targeted to straight couples but there are a few things you should keep in mind in the event that LGBT couples pass through these mainstream wedding expos.  They will come!  Slowly at first, but they'll be there!

1. When you see two women together, they may actually be getting married to each other! It’s true that one may be the bride and the other may be the MOH or a bridesmaid, but don’t make any assumptions either way. Don’t ask, “who’s the bride?” or “which one of you is getting married.” Follow the lead of the women – don’t make any assumptions. 

2. Similarly, when you see two men together, don’t ask, “where’s the bride?” 

3. If you have a form that you want couples to fill out for a raffle or for additional information, don’t say “bride’s name” and “groom’s name” – just say “name” or “bride/groom.” 

4. To the best of your ability showcase your work that is most neutral in tone. That means using photos that are detail shots, long shots and shots of a bride alone or a groom alone. The more images you have of a bride and groom together, the more put-off a same-sex couple may feel. 

5. If you do encounter a same-sex couple, avoid terms such as “sexual preference”, “lifestyle”, “homosexual” and avoid stereotyping them. Believe it or not, I was told by a couple that someone at an expo asked them if one of the partners was the “bride” and one was the “groom” in the relationship. 

These tips, when followed properly, should in no way turn off your potential straight clients either. They are designed to fall under the radar where your potential straight clients don’t notice and your potential same-sex clients are much appreciative.

I'm speaking at various places in the U.S., Canada and Mexico about gay weddings each of the next seven months.  Two of the dates are full day certification courses, so if you are in Toronto or Denver, you can take advantage of a full day course and receive the Gay Wedding Institute certification.  

To check out the full speaking calendar, click here.

To register for the March 24 Gay Wedding Institute course in Toronto, click here.

To register for the April 3 course in Denver, click here.

And to have me do a shorter presentation or full day course in your area, send me an email!

I hope to meet more of you soon at one of these sessions.