Gay Weddings are Good for Business

It's pretty standard for legal gay weddings to have this very strong energy of triumph to them, a spirit of "FINALLY!  We can get legally married!"  As a result, many couples seek to bring a little bit of politics into their ceremony, and sometimes even their reception.

Two of the most popular readings at gay marriage ceremonies come from court rulings - the Goodridge ruling and the Walker ruling - check them out!  

I've even had clients bring politics into their reception - naming tables after famous LGBT people in history, hosting the reception somewhere that has given a lot to marriage equality efforts - and I even had a couple name their signature cocktail the Revolution - in honor of the marriage equality revolution.  

I hope these ideas help you help your clients put a little more edginess into their wedding!

Those who follow me on Twitter know that my wife Jen and I just completed the second parent adoption process for our son, Patrick.  He was born on Oct. 31, 2010.

Let me explain a little bit about what this means.

Jen and I were legally married in Massachusetts.  Our marriage is only valid in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire, New York, Iowa and D.C. (the other states where same-sex marriage is legal), and a couple of other random states.  According to the U.S. federal government and all those other states, we are not legally married.  According to most countries in the world, we are not legally married.

Patrick was born in Boston and Jen carried and delivered the baby.  She was the "bio-parent" though I was right there when he was born and my name is on his birth certificate.  However, because our marriage is not recognized most places in the world, neither are my rights to be his parent.  That's why we had to go through this process called "second parent adoption" - in which I basically adopt my own son.  This process took 10 months waiting for a court date and $2000 in legal fees before we saw a judge for 2 minutes.  Now it's over and we're happy!

If a same-sex couple doesn't do second parent adoption this can get really ugly in the following scenarios (among others):

• If there's a divorce or break-up, the non-bio parent may have no rights no visitation or custody
• If the bio-parent died, the non-bio parent may have no rights to his or her child (who would probably be placed with the bio-parent's parents)
• If the bio-parent and the baby are in an accident, the non-bio parent may have no access to them in the hospital

Question:  When I first receive communication from a potential client they do not initially specify that they are an LGBT couple. On some occasions it is not even mentioned, until after a relationship is established. During our phone call I normally get a "feeling" because there is something mysterious about our conversation.  Why would a LGBT couple not come out when they first call or email?  Do you have a suggestion on how I can encourage them to be open from the beginning?

Answer:  Great question. I advise LGBT couples to come out right away when calling vendors so they get a sense right away whether they are dealing with someone supportive or not. That said, plenty of couples are too nervous to do so and afraid of rejection. As a wedding planner, your job is not to assume either way and when you do find out that it's a same-sex couple, be super cool and supportive in a genuine, authentic way. If you can create marketing materials that are inclusive, you will automatically set the right kind of open atmosphere they'll feel more comfortable in.  

Additionally, you'll have to start coming out on their behalf when you refer them to vendors.  Don't let the client call directly and don't assume that your typical vendor list is all gay-friendly so you can avoid a potentially homophobic situation entirely. Make sure you verify supportiveness by specifically asking yourself - and only partner your clients with those who are completely on board.  If someone that you refer your client to ends up being unsupportive, then you will look terrible!