Gay Weddings are Good for Business

This question came in from a reader:  where should I advertise my gay-friendly business in order to attract clients and let them know that I'm an enthusiastic supporter of marriage equality?

You would think this would be an easy question to answer but it's complicated because each business is different.  The first thing you should think about is your market...who is your perfect client?  Is it a male or female couple?  A Millennial couple or a generation X/baby boomer couple?  What is their wedding budget?  Where do they shop?  And if you work for a venue, what kind of couple does your property appeal to, aesthetically?  (By the way, these are important questions to ask yourself for straight wedding marketing, too!)

If your answer is, "I'll take anyone!" then you probably want to advertise in all of the following:

• GayWeddings.com (via their partnership with WeddingWire):  this is the largest online directory, the oldest and will definitely get you on the first page of Google
• EquallyWed.com: a beautiful contemporary online magazine which attracts more contemporary couples
• AVoteandaVow.com:  free and elegant wedding blog - you must be approved to join
• OnABicycleBuiltforTwo.com  especially for lesbians and queer women
• PurpleUnions.com: first page of google
• EnGAYgedWeddings.com: first page of google

After discovering that the sky didn't fall in one year of civil unions, the state of Delaware went full in for marriage equality.  The law goes into effect on July 1.  

"Here comes the groom and groom."

By now you know about the story of Weddings Unveiled magazine which rejected photographer Anne Almasy's ad with two brides.  They apologized and the add will run.  The apology is here and the acceptance of the apology is here.

It was a flurry of social media activity about the story this weekend and I'm so pleased that most of who got all fired up (including the photographer) are my straight peers in the wedding industry who were appalled that yes, this kind of stuff still happens (more than you may know.

This story is going to blow over in a few days, but for those of you fired up, now what?  Please don't just move on because there's going to be another instance in which an LGBT couple is treated unfairly by someone in the wedding industry.  Now what?

1.  Volunteer for your local marriage equality organization.  Marriage Equality USA is a great start because they are grassroots and have chapters all over.  

2.  Put LGBT inclusive language on your own marketing materials, if you feel that your market is ready for it.  Clean up everything that's "bride and groom" specific and replace it with "couple" or "clients" or "brides and grooms", and mention something about your support for marriage equality.

3. Identify some other LGBT-friendly wedding professionals in your area so you have a tailored referral list for your LGBT clients.  Your current referral list may not be entirely LGBT-friendly.

4.  Don't assume...you may notice some differences as you work with LGBT couples and don't make assumptions about basic things like parental support, whether or not there's a wedding party, what the couple will wear to the wedding and so on.  Ask open ended questions so your client doesn't feel defensive if you ask a close ended one.  For example, "What are you going to wear?" is open ended and "Have you bought your dresses yet?" is close ended.

5.  Do treat your LGBT clients with basic respect.  That's all they want - to be treated with the same care, respect and outstanding customer service that your straight clients receive, no more and no less.

When you are thinking about your own marketing strategy and whether or not to be bold in your LGBT inclusivity (as opposed to passively making your marketing materials gender neutral), look around at your current client base.  Are they Millennials?  68% of Millennial Americans support same-sex marriage (though many of their parents may not).  If you decide to have LGBT-inclusive language or photos, your Millennial clients may like you more for it.  Though again, their parents may not if they are involved in the wedding.

Knowing your own individual primary market is everything when deciding if and how to market to same-sex couples.  

If you're in the wedding industry, you may have caught the story floating around Facebook and Twitter about Anne Almasy, the wedding photographer from Atlanta who bought an ad in Weddings Unveiled magazine, only to have that ad rejected because it showed a photo of two brides. Not one bride. Not a bride and a groom. But two brides, marrying each other. 

I hate that this happened and that Anne Almasy had to have those conversations with the magazine. But I love this happened and I love that Anne Almasy had to have those conversations. Because, she, a straight women, wrote a fantastic blog post on what happened and her reaction and the comments and shares are starting a much needed dialogue in the wedding industry. 

An excerpt:

A friend of mine asked me, "Aren't there other publications who would be happy to advertise to the gay community?" And, you know, yes, I'm quite sure there are. But I chose Weddings Unveiled because I'm not trying to advertise to "the gay community." I'm advertising to couples who are getting married. This couple didn't get "gay married." They didn't have a "gay wedding." They got married. They had a wedding. They share their lives, their joys and sorrows, and all the mundane daily things that we all share with our partners. They are just people. In love. Committed to one another. 

And that blog post is getting a lot of attention and shining light on this issue. Yes, the wedding industry is evolving to be more LGBT-inclusive. But we also have a very long way to go. Weddings Unveiled brought to light one of the most common questions I'm asked during my LGBT wedding trainings for wedding professionals: how do I market to same-sex couples without alienating my straight audience? 

This is a legitimate fear that many in the wedding industry have. Clearly Weddings Unveiled is afraid of alienating their straight audience. They have a business. I get it. But the millennial generation, the majority of those planning weddings, overwhelmingly support same-sex marriage. In one study, 68% of American millennials support same-sex marriage. Still, there are examples of businesses that would rather not support these fabulous gay weddings. There's the bakery in Oregon that refused a wedding cake to a lesbian couple. There's the transportation company in Maryland that decided not to service ANY weddings rather than complying with the state requirement that they now service same-sex weddings. There's the venue in upstate New York that told a lesbian couple to go elsewhere. And so on. 

 Many other businesses suddenly get all booked up when they realize they're talking to same-sex couple. Others don't return calls and e-mails regarding gay weddings. This stuff happens all the time and I'm thrilled to see some press about it. And I'm also pleased with how Weddings Unveiled quickly and sincerely responded: The issue is very sensitive and it is also very divided. We knew that it was possible that people would be offended if we published the ad and we knew that it was possible that people would be offended if we did not. We are so sorry that we acted out of fear and uncertainty. We had never been faced with such a decision and we should have acted with our hearts.

 Because as Anne so beautifully said to Weddings Unveiled, "I hope you will see it through the eyes of history, for surely someday very soon your decision will seem archaic and absurd."

I was touring a venue yesterday and the owner mentioned that she was told by someone else in the industry that same-sex couples want to work exclusively with gay-owned businesses.  Is this true?

Definitely not!

The quality of the work (and the value) that the vendor provides are more important factors than the sexuality of the business owner, as long as the business owner is supportive of same-sex marriage.  In an example of wedding photography, LGBT couples will choose a straight wedding photographer who is super cool and takes beautiful photos, much more often than they would choose a gay wedding photographer whose photos are mediocre.

It's as simple as that...quality is #1, as long as there's a baseline of gay-friendliness!  So, don't despair if you are straight and want to do business with gay couples.  As long as you are great at what you do (and gay-friendly), they will eventually find you (pay attention to the other tips on this site, though!)

My friend Kathryn Hamm from GayWeddings.com gave me a preview of the new book she co-authored with Thea Dodds.  Capturing Love:  The Art of Lesbian and Gay Wedding Photography is a great resource for wedding photographers who may never have thought of the many differences that come along with shooting gay and lesbian couples vs straight couples.  There are many thoughtful points made that I never ever considered myself!  Check out the book not only for its great information but also for tons of beautiful photos of happy couples!

It's for sale now - check out Capturing Love!

Many people see the Episcopal Church as the closest thing there is to the Catholic Church. Which is why their increasingly progressive stance on same-sex marriage gives me hope. This week, the National Cathedral in Washington D.C. announced that same-sex marriage ceremonies could be performed there. The National Cathedral is the second largest Cathedral in the country and dubbed by Congress as the “National House of Prayer.” It’s a symbol of Christian faith in America. And now it lets the gays marry. The Episcopal Church has become increasingly progressive in the U.S. and is the largest U.S. denomination to support same-sex marriage. We all know Bishop Robinson was named the first openly gay Bishop of an Episcopal diocese in the U.S. when he was named New Hampshire Bishop in 2003. Several other dioceses in New England have permitted same-sex marriage for a few years now. And last year, the Church itself said that priests could bless same-sex relationships – not the same as marriage but we’ll take it.