- Same-sex couples who have been together for years are most likely to keep their original last names.
- Same-sex couples who are 35 and younger are more inclined to changing their names.
I've seen hyphenated last names - like my wife, Jennifer Coveney-Smith. I've seen non-hyphenated like me, Bernadette Coveney Smith (yes, we did something different). I've seen one partner take the others' last name, like my brides who are getting married on Saturday, who will both use the last name of DeMarco.
But I love it when same-sex couples invent entirely new names, some of which were not remotely similar to either of the old names. That's kind of fun - as they begin a new life together, they do so with a new name.
Examples:
Old names: Caulfield and Stansberry
New last name: Stansfield (merging Caulfield and Stansberry)
Old names: Zeitlin and Sakash
New name: Zash
What does this mean for you in the wedding industry? First, don't assume that you'll know what the couple is doing. Second, if you know it, use their new last names in post-wedding correspondence. Third, be mindful that it's much easier for a legally married individual to change his or her name than someone who is not legally married. All my clients have to show is a certified copy of their marriage license, like any other person. Same-sex couples who have commitment ceremonies and are not legally married have to go through their state's name change process (which typically involves petitioning a judge). I talked to a couple recently who were denied the name change by a homophobic judge.
What have you seen some couples do regarding their last names after marriage?
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We did have our big Jewish wedding in DC but waited till we moved to CT so we could get legally married so the name-change process would be easy. The cost and time involved in changing my name without a legal marriage certificate was scary.
Of the clients I have had, it seems like it goes either way with half changing it and half keeping their original names. But I think the ease of changing your name in a state that recognizes same-sex marriage helps remove part of the burden and plays into the decision making process.